And I Screamed Like a Girl

The following event was the most awesome and least awesome part of my day/week/month - all rolled into one.

It all started last week when a friend of mine was over. Let's call him 'Jon' (coincidentally that is actually his real name.) Well, Jon loves all things to do with the forest and fishing and the outdoors and he knows that I am currently teaching a unit on forestry so he was asking me about that and giving me lectures about how Smoky the Bear is the anti-christ etc. I mentioned to him that this week I was going to be teaching about forest pests like the Mountain Pine Beetle and the Tussock Moth etc. Jon was very excited about this and offered to loan me a bug project that he had done for a forestry course last term. The project had about 60 different forest bugs in it. It was a great learning tool to show my students so they could physically see all the different forest pests I was teaching them about.

I was very excited about him loaning me this project. When I went to pick it up last Thursday he gave me strict instructions not to ruin it. If you know 'Jon' at all, you know that he is.... a little anal. A total perfectionist. A neat freak. He really cares about his stuff. His truck, his jeans, his house and his bugs. I gave him my word of honour that I would take care of his bug project and that none of my students would touch it or wreck it.

Today was the big day. The lesson on Forest Pests. Before I left my house today I checked the box and prepared to transport it to school. I opened it up and was a little shocked at the condition of the interior. Some of the wings had fallen off, and the legs were all over the place and it really looked like I had totally shaken up the box and wrecked the project. All these little tiny bugs were falling apart. My shoulders slumped and I realized that I was going to have to tell Jon that somewhere between walking to my car and walking into my house that his project had gotten jarred and it was no longer in mint condition.

Let me fast forward a bit to after school today. I had Jon call me and this was our conversation:
"Hey Jon... It's Nikki.... Uh.... I have some bad news.... and some good news...." I stuttered.
"You wrecked my bug project didn't you?" he was quick to place blame.
"Well... it is wrecked, but in my defense it was not me!" I defended myself, "but wait! Before you get mad, let me tell you the good news! The project is wrecked, but I did not do it! And you have a new bug for your collection! Really! A new bug. A massive bug! The 'dead' coccoon that was a part of your project... it hatched!"

Now you are probably thinking a few things.
a) you said 'dead' cocoon. yes. DEAD. As in DEAD. Like Jon had it in his freezer for 2 weeks DEAD. Checked by his professor DEAD. And yet.... not so much.
b) awwww a moth! How cute. Don't be deceived. I have long held that moths are the most disgusting things in the universe. I hold to the theory that if Satan were to reincarnate himself into a bug it would be a moth. (Think about it - 'the light' spazzes them out... obviously my theory is solid).

I'd like to take you back to 8am this morning. When I opened the box to clean it out. When I opened a box expecting to see 8 rows of tiny little bugs with pins stuck through their back with a nice little scientific lable beside it. And instead I found this looking at me, pointing its horns and nasty furry feet at me, gnawing on one of the helpless little dead bugs.


I put a dime in there so you could understand the scale. It is approximately the size of a fist. It's slimy and crusty and furry and just having that picture up there while I type this is making me dry heave and gag.

I screamed. Loudly. Like a girl. Then I had my boss PJ double check to see that I wasn't imagining a large, live bug in a box full of dead ones. It's nasty.
Tell me that is not a massive bug!!!! It's disgustingly large! All the other bugs were the size of 'nerds' (you know... the candy) and then this thing all slimy and gross and crusty. EW.