Saturday, April 21, 2012

Eating Tink`s Face

So approximately 3 feet away from me, Bethany is sitting on the couch gnawing on a 2 foot tall chocolate statue of Tinkerbell that she got for 89 cents at superstore. (Down from $10 at Easter, so a good deal.) Anyways, as she's eating Tink's face I started thinking about how it really isn't fair that Fairies are so awesome. Really, think about it, they have it all. Two arms, two legs AND TWO WINGS.  Then I started to get jealous and came up with the following list of why.

1. They are super tiny and cute and don't even have to make any effort to be that way!
2. They are the only ones who can legitimately walk around in tights as pants.
3.  No one questions it if they want to wear tutus every day.
4. They get to sleep in FLOWERS!
5. They have a permanent supply of Fairy Dust. I don't know what that stuff does, but it makes people happy, or sleepy, or gives them special skills. It's like a drug that they just always have. Not that I'm into drugs, but I could sell it and pay off my student loans quicker.
6. They get to fly. For free. No airport taxes, no baggage fees. And if they are tired they can just ride on a bumblebee.
7. It's not creepy that they get to go into peoples rooms late at night and just hang out. Dude. If I was a fairy, I'd be in Zac Efron's room. A Lot.
8. They talk to animals! No translator. Amazing.
9. They light up at night. No need for a flashlight ever! Or electricity. My hydro bill would be non-existant! Woot Woot! Talk about a small carbon footprint. (get it, small foot print? Cus they are not using electricity AND are tiny, so they have tiny feet)
10. Fairies can find a whole groups of lost boys who just need a good woman to take care of them. They make it seem easy to find a good man!

And that is why Fairies have it made. It really isn`t fair.

Monday, April 16, 2012

11 Course Meal

This weekend I had the privilege of being hired to host this event:

It was awesome! Seriously, unreal. When I got the e-mail about this event I knew right away that I HAD to be the one to host the event. I've been passionate about Titanic since elementary school - pre-James-Cameron-Movie, which to me is mark of a true Titanic fan.

The event was an 11-course meal that was based on the actual last meal that was served on the ship. The food was amazing (yes, I did get to eat it), and the staff at the Brownstone was super friendly and nice and really made my time working with them enjoyable.
And now for the best part. My costume. Seriously, I'm adorable. I look 4 feet high, but stinking adorable. I love dressing up. Don't so much love my corset, but I wear it and it makes me look good in costumes like this. My job was to greet guests that came and provide them with a character card that was an actual person that was aboard the Titanic. The card told them about the passenger and was the role they were to play throughout the evening. Later in the night I told them if their person lived or survived.
Between each course I did a little speech about the Titanic. I started with the basic anatomy of the ship, talked about the different classes, the crew, the hitting of the ice berg, the sinking and the aftermath. It was challenging for me not to come up with information about Titanic, but to make it interactive and fun. I mean, it is a tragedy, and you don't want to ignore that fact, but you also don't want to dwell on it either. But, after quite a bit of thinking and brainstorming, I found some ways to get the audience to interact with the information, found some fun stories, and was able to make people laugh at the right times, and be serious at the right times. My bosses at the Brownstone thought I did fantastic, and the Mayor's wife even Tweeted about how great I was at hosting the event. I feel that is a good compliment on how well I did.
Hair. and back of the dress. The dress was based on an actual 1912 pattern and fit me perfectly!
A couple at one of the tables was so impressed with me that they bought me a drink at the end of the night. This is me relaxing with it by the kitchen. By the end of each night I was usually exhausted. All night, on my feet, in heels, public speaking, talking with customers, it was really fun, but exhausting at the same time.

I seriously had an awesome time. The customers that came were tons of fun. Many of them dressed up, and played the part and had questions for me and talked and joked around and just had a great time. Everyone was super impressed with the event that the Brownstone put on, including me.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

14 Years Later

Last night was awesome.
Titanic 3D.
I don't think I can fully convey to you the passion that I have for the tragic tale of Jack and Rose. But I'm going to try.

Rewind 14 years. I'm 14 years old. SUPER awkward, totally ugly, sporting something like a bowl-cut. I am just starting to experiment with make-up - green eyeliner, and my 'cool' outfit is a blue plaid shirt with a dennim collar worn under denim overalls. And I love chokers. It half makes me cry thinking about it, and half makes me laugh that I was so lame. I was not a cool kid.

But you know who I thought was the COOLEST person EVER? My Aunt Linda. She was 24, lived in the city with 2 super cool girl friends, they all had great hair and clothes, and cool friends and raised their hands AND clapped at church (gasp!), went to university, had cars and jobs, and were practically groupies for the Barenaked Ladies. They were so cool. I was not. But despite that, my Aunt Linda loved me. She came home one weekend from the city and drove me in her new red car to the town 45 minutes away where there was not only a movie theatre, but a KFC as well! And we had a date. It was wonderful. We saw Titanic and I fell in love.
The next day I started my biggest art project ever - a collage of Leonardo Dicaprio pictures that was no smaller than 8 feet by 8 feet - on the ceiling above my bed so he would be the first thing I'd see in the morning and the last thing at night. I also started sporting a super cool "Jack and Rose" pin. It was about 4 inches square and I wore it on the outer layer of all my clothing for the better part of three years. I saw the movie three times in theatres (remember: no theatre in my town, so it was not easy to do that), and when it came out on video I watched it every week for a year, then every other week for a year, then once a month for a year and I've weaned myself slowly down to once a year since then.
But for the last 18 months I've been holding out knowing that a 3D version was coming to theatres. And I went last night and it was everything I remembered. Literally. I remembered all the lines, all the movie mistakes, all of the scenes that were taken from actual pictures, all the historical inaccuracies, the clothes, the hair and even the jewlery. Yes. For reals even that.

It was glorious! I was in my element recreating 14 year old loser-Nikki, and realizing that I'm now 29 year old awesome-Nikki and if I want to love Leonardo Dicaprio I can, because even though Titanic was his first real break, and all the haters back in the day hated on him for it, I think we can all agree that Leo legitimately is for real, super talented.

The other best part, was that the guy beside me (think Hurley from Lost), had never seen the movie and at every semi-shocking thing he would gasp or cry out or comment in shock. He was hilarious. In the one scene where Rose is getting her corset laced he actually grunted out loud. I don't know how it is possible to be a 30 year old man and NEVER have seen Titanic! That's ridiculous. It's like saying you've never heard of chocolate, or seen the sun! I'm not even convinced he knew that the ship was going to sink! At the end of the movie after the death of Jack and Rose he was slumped in his chair in shock and awe of the movie he had just seen (I get that, the movie is awesome), but it was just so unreal to me that he was SO shocked and so upset by the movie! How had he NEVER seen it before???? I feel like his life was not complete until last night at 11:45pm when the movie was done.

And if you haven't seen it before... well.... your life is not complete. And I'm not even joking, I'm dead serious.

Monday, April 02, 2012

the Damn Bouquet Toss

Not that I like to announce it, but I'm 29. I don't really like being 29, but it is what it is. Being 29 means a few things;

1. I'm almost 30. Which is old.
2. I've been to a lot of weddings. A lot.
3. If I ever get married, my wedding will be the best one ever because I know what is awesome and what isn't. (AND because Pinterest exists now and it didn't back in the day when most of my friends were getting married.)
4. I've had to participate in 500 000 bouquet tosses.

This is what I want to talk to you about today. The Bouquet toss. And how it sucks. I hate it. I hate it so much that I'm pretty sure that it's invention was a collaboration between Hitler, Ceaucescu, Stalin and Satan.

The flower toss is cute, when you are 14 and the thought of catching the bouquet means you will find your prince charming by the time you are 18 and live happily ever after. But when you are pushing 30 - It really just means that you are an old maid and everyone gets to point and laugh at the single girls whose only hope of finding a man is the pathetic notion that catching some freaking flowers will get her one.

And so, over the past few years I have come up with a few tried and true methods to avoid the shame of having to catch a bouquet of flowers.

1. Go to the bathroom.
2. Wear a fake engagement ring.
3. MC the wedding and hold the post down by the podium. ("I'm sorry, I need to make sure that the sound for Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' is playing")

On the few rare occasions that I haven't been able to avoid the flower toss, I strategically place my 5'4 frame behind a passle of super tall girls. The one time that it got past them and came flying for my face, I took a step to the right and smirked as the flowers landed on the floor directly beside me. (Take that flowers! I don't want you!)

I was at a wedding this weekend, and as the MC I was pretty stoked that I would get to hold down my post behind the podium and avoid participating in the damn bouquet toss. Yes. I used a swear and wasted a sin to use an inappropriate adjective to describe what I feel is emotional torture.

No such luck.

As I called out that the toss was starting, I looked around and noticed that other than me, there was NOT ONE SINGLE SINGLE GIRL IN THE ROOM. Not one. Not even one. I rounded up some of the little girls to participate and then held my ground behind the podium. But do you think the bride would stand for that? Noooooooo. She called me out, and I kid you not, made me walk all the way across the room and stand - the only adult - in a passle of little girls.

Here are the words I would use to describe the longest 60 seconds of my life: mortified, depressed, angry, bitter, sad, embarrassed, awkward, frustrated.

Yup. Me and 8 little girls. Awesome.

And obviously the bride pointed me out Babe Ruth style before turning her back and tossing the bouquet RIGHT. AT. ME.

Which I caught, and then promptly dropped.

Dear Future Husband,
There, I finally caught the damn boquet. Now get your act together and find me.