Saturday, February 26, 2011
I'm going to give you a completely exhaustive review of the movie "Titanic 2"
Yes. That is right. Titanic 2. As in Titanic the Sequel. Those of you who have known me since high school know that I have a passion (obsession - passbession) with the original Titanic. I loved Leonardo Dicaprio. I even had a Leonardo Dicaprio pin that I wore on my jacket. I've probably seen the movie over 50 times. So when I saw Titanic 2 on the shelf, I knew that I had to see it.
Obviously I was first drawn to the title "Titanic 2" and the catchphrase caught my attention too, "100 years later, lightning strikes twice." Which in an of itself is not very good grammar.
The back continued in bold red letters, "The Epic True Saga Continues."
Now, I've done some resarch, and pretty much the only true part of the movie was that the boat sank. Despite that, this comment made me think that this movie was continuing the true story of the Titanic. Here's their description:
"On the 100th anniversary of the original voyage, a modern luxury liner christned, "Titanic 2" follows the path of its namesake. But when a tsunami hurls an iceberg into the new ships path, the passengers and crew must fight to avoid a similar fate."
YUP! A tsunami and an iceberg. I knew right away that this would be a great Friday night movie. And it was ('nt?)
Long movie short, a tsunami hurls an iceberg at the boat. And then, just when you think things can't get worse, another even larger tsunami hits the boat.
It wasn't so much that the story line was a bit on the cheesy side, this movie was so bad because the filming of it was terrible. Unbelievably terrible. Here is my review.
a. The 'stud' character - you know, the one who owns the boat, spent time in the coast guard, is the hero etc. was sleezy. Not in the movie, in the movie he was a decent guy, but all of us girls agreed that he was totally greesy and skeezy and disgusting. He was a cross between all three of the Baldwin Brothers and T-Bag from Prison Break. And yet he was the hero.
b. The main character (who was so memorable I can't remeber her name) was a terrible actress and I'm pretty sure she only got the role because she looks like Reese Witherspoon.
c. I'm no cinematography expert, but I'm pretty sure the entire movie was filmed in a gymnasium and a locker room.
d. In the scenes where bodies were floating and/or asking for help when in the water... yeah... you could see the bottom of the pool.
e. The movie only had about 20 extras. If that. It wasn't so much a big deal in the crowd scenes, but during the panic scenes, the same 4 people ran by the camera. And did the same actions. Apparently the only thing people do when in a panic is run and trip over their own feet and fall down.... six times in a row. Seriously. The same people. The same scenes.
f. They used the same 'stock' shots for everything.
g. There was one seriously distracting actress. I don't know what her name was, or what her role was, but everytime she came on screen I would yell out "look! Boobie McBooberson is back!" Wanna take a wild guess as to why she was distracting?
h. This is my favourite: In one scene, main character 1 and sleezy hero man are looking for main character 1's friend. They find her in the infirmary (read that again - infirmary as in first aid/ nurses station). She is trapped under a filing cabinet and bleeding from her upper chest. Heroman - because he was in the coast guard, and main character 1 (who works in the infirmary as a nurse) put their thinking caps on and show off their crazy first aid skills to stop the bleeding of friend number 2. Main character 1 gets some medical tape, and heroman pulls out a credit card. They then proceed to tape the credit card over the injury to stop the bleeding. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure you are IN THE INFIRMARY. Most infirmary's, and correct me if I'm wrong, have things like.. oh I don't know... bandaids... gauze... maybe some paper towl.....
i. Just when you think things can't get any worse, heroman, character 1 and character 2 get stuck in the elevator and heroman uses his 'muscle' (???) to open the roof. As he is pulling himself through - get this - you notice that he is wearing WHITE SOCKS! Black shoes, black pants and white socks!!!!! Seriously people! If you are making a movie, and have to cheap out on wardrobe, at least get someone to look up major fasion faux paus on the internet!
j. After they climb to the top of the elevator the next step is to climb the elevator shaft. How could this go wrong? I'm glad you asked. You know how when you climb up, gravity makes your hair/clothing go down? Well in this masterfully crafted scene hair and clothing fall forward - toward their bellies. The scene was shot so you think they are climbing up, but gravity is telling you that they are just crawling along a ladder that is on the floor. Clever.
k. The final most awesome thing was at the very end. When the movie ended. With no resolution. Or ending. Or conclusion. It just stopped.
In conclusion (because I know how to end things properly), I think that maybe I do suggest you rent this movie. Because it was (in the words of Barny Stinson), "Awes..ful"
Thursday, February 24, 2011
It all started last week when a friend of mine was over. Let's call him 'Jon' (coincidentally that is actually his real name.) Well, Jon loves all things to do with the forest and fishing and the outdoors and he knows that I am currently teaching a unit on forestry so he was asking me about that and giving me lectures about how Smoky the Bear is the anti-christ etc. I mentioned to him that this week I was going to be teaching about forest pests like the Mountain Pine Beetle and the Tussock Moth etc. Jon was very excited about this and offered to loan me a bug project that he had done for a forestry course last term. The project had about 60 different forest bugs in it. It was a great learning tool to show my students so they could physically see all the different forest pests I was teaching them about.
I was very excited about him loaning me this project. When I went to pick it up last Thursday he gave me strict instructions not to ruin it. If you know 'Jon' at all, you know that he is.... a little anal. A total perfectionist. A neat freak. He really cares about his stuff. His truck, his jeans, his house and his bugs. I gave him my word of honour that I would take care of his bug project and that none of my students would touch it or wreck it.
Today was the big day. The lesson on Forest Pests. Before I left my house today I checked the box and prepared to transport it to school. I opened it up and was a little shocked at the condition of the interior. Some of the wings had fallen off, and the legs were all over the place and it really looked like I had totally shaken up the box and wrecked the project. All these little tiny bugs were falling apart. My shoulders slumped and I realized that I was going to have to tell Jon that somewhere between walking to my car and walking into my house that his project had gotten jarred and it was no longer in mint condition.
Let me fast forward a bit to after school today. I had Jon call me and this was our conversation:
"Hey Jon... It's Nikki.... Uh.... I have some bad news.... and some good news...." I stuttered.
"You wrecked my bug project didn't you?" he was quick to place blame.
"Well... it is wrecked, but in my defense it was not me!" I defended myself, "but wait! Before you get mad, let me tell you the good news! The project is wrecked, but I did not do it! And you have a new bug for your collection! Really! A new bug. A massive bug! The 'dead' coccoon that was a part of your project... it hatched!"
Now you are probably thinking a few things.
a) you said 'dead' cocoon. yes. DEAD. As in DEAD. Like Jon had it in his freezer for 2 weeks DEAD. Checked by his professor DEAD. And yet.... not so much.
b) awwww a moth! How cute. Don't be deceived. I have long held that moths are the most disgusting things in the universe. I hold to the theory that if Satan were to reincarnate himself into a bug it would be a moth. (Think about it - 'the light' spazzes them out... obviously my theory is solid).
I'd like to take you back to 8am this morning. When I opened the box to clean it out. When I opened a box expecting to see 8 rows of tiny little bugs with pins stuck through their back with a nice little scientific lable beside it. And instead I found this looking at me, pointing its horns and nasty furry feet at me, gnawing on one of the helpless little dead bugs.
I put a dime in there so you could understand the scale. It is approximately the size of a fist. It's slimy and crusty and furry and just having that picture up there while I type this is making me dry heave and gag.
I screamed. Loudly. Like a girl. Then I had my boss PJ double check to see that I wasn't imagining a large, live bug in a box full of dead ones. It's nasty.
Tell me that is not a massive bug!!!! It's disgustingly large! All the other bugs were the size of 'nerds' (you know... the candy) and then this thing all slimy and gross and crusty. EW.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Today I am thankful that I have an 11 year old friend who legitimizes my presence at the Justin Bieber movie. I'm not saying that it is wrong for a 28 year old woman to go to the Justin Bieber movie, but I will say that it is wierd. I'm not going to lie. I did kinda want to see this movie. I've keep up with the Biebsters career since near the beginning of Biebermania about a year and a half ago. I have a heart for this kid. Partly because he's from my old stomping grounds in small-town Ontario, partly because he's actually talented, partly because my sister is OBSESSED with him, and partly because I think he is a decent kid.
After spending two hours in a theatre with him (it was after all 3-D), I'd like to re-iterate my standing that J.B is a decent kid. Now I know how movies work. They can edit things, and script things and make people look good or bad. But a kid and his mom who throughout the movie pray numerous times (including during sickness, before concerts, and while out with pizza with his buddies), he gets my vote. He doesn't swear, is not man-skanky, dresses appropriately, dances well, and learned to play music at a church.... I don't know about you... but that, combined with his small town upbringing make him legitimate. And dag-nab it, regardless of your choice of lyrics and style - his songs are catchy!
One time after leaving a Miley Cyrus movie (and singing and dancing to one of the songs), someone asked me, "Nikki, don't you think it's a little pathetic that you are a grown woman and you know all the words to all the songs in that Miley Cyrus movie?" I thought for a quick second and then responded, "No. Not at all. Honestly, as part of my calling as a teacher and a youth pastor, I need to keep up on what is relevant. I need to be able to connect to 12 year olds. And if that means I can sing along with Miley, or Justin or the Jonas Brothers, than that’s what I’ll do.” The quick witted someone remarked, “Does being relevant mean you have to know all the dance moves too?”
Anyways, the purpose of this post was to give my teaching-pastoring-researching-Christ Following- seal of approval for Justin Bieber. I like this kid. And I sincerely pray that as he grows up he won’t turn into another one of those talking the talk but can’t walk the walk Hollywood Teens (and yeah, that’s right, I’m pointing at you Katie Perry).
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
People getting kicked in the junk
People flying through the air accidentally
People getting punched
People falling in mud
Why are those things so funny? Why has America's Funniest Home Video's been on tv for 25 years? Why is Wipe-Out SO hilarious?
I'll tell you why we laugh so hard.
Because it's not happening to us.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I don't know if you have ever had the painful experience of playing this game with me, and not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am REALLY good at this game. I am "jump back" unbelievably good. (If you got that Kevin Bacon quote give yourself a pat on the back). And it seems to me, that whenever I tell someone that I'm really good at Dutch Blitz they go off on a tangent about how good they are. How they dominate at Dutch Blitz. How they totally kill, are awesome, amazing, crazy good.
Then I say to them, "No, I don't think you understand. I'm actually REALLY good. And I'm not being rude, or mean when I say this, but you will loose."
They scoff at me, laugh even sometimes, and then we start to play. And about halfway through the game (as I'm kicking butt), some excuse will come out of their lips explaining their lackluster performance. It never fails. In the past three years I have had many people challenge me. And they all have lost.
Last Saturday night was no exception. Me, Bethany and "Gus" (his name has been changed to protect his identity - give yourself another point if you can guess where I got the name Gus from). Final Score: Nikki 103, "Gus" 44, Bethany 1. Slightly embarrassing for him after talking his game up so much. Not quite as embarrassing as 10 minutes later when he found a 'feminine' product on the kitchen table and it took him a second to figure out what it was...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
These are my top five things of awesomeness for the week of February 7.
#1 Turbo Snake.
It is AMAZING. I should have videotaped the amazingness of this $7 infomercial buy. Love it.
#2 Boy Meets World Season One.
I'm seriously re-living my childhood this week. Oh Cory. Oh Shawn. Oh Topanga. Oh Mr. Feeny. From jean vests and plaid arms to the plastic bubba juice containers and the Duck-Hunt gun. From the references to Full House, Punky Brewster and all the random actors who later went on to bigger things (ahem Shane West & Jessica Bowman). I love it all. And it is very funny. Laugh out loud funny.
#3 Canon SD1400.
My first digital camera ever - the Canon A560 died two weeks ago. it was a fantastic little camera. After a lot of research and deciding what I needed and wanted, I chose the Canon SD1400. It is amazing. Clear shots. Easy to use. Great Features and just enough do-dads and extras to give you a camera with cool options, but not be overwhelming to use. I strongly reccommend this camera if you are looking for a camera that takes great pictures, but doesn't take up a lot of space.
#4 Missoula Children's Theatre
This professional children's theatre company hails from Montana. They bring the directors, the sets, the costumes, the lights, the sound, the make-up, the script and the music. You just provide them with 60 kids to put on a fantastic show with. They group auditioned 113 kids for 2 hours to find the 60 kids that would work for our production. They proved to me that students can stand on a line for two hours without talking unless pointed to and told specifically what to say. Our production is this Saturday at 3pm and 5:30pm at the Kamloops Christian School.
#5. Rabbit Ears
I cancelled my cable in December. Heck! I'm not paying $40 a month to watch tv shows I already own on DVD or on the internet for free! It didn't bother me until this week. When GLEE started again. There's something about watching Finn and Puck on the tv from the comfort of my couch with my sisters. So I brought out the tinfoil and scotch tape and miraculously found myself a channel. And that channel is Global. And that channel plays GLEE.
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Friday, February 04, 2011
Usually I'm happy and perky, but today is a grumpy day. I thought I'd share with you my most recent top ten things I hate list. And yes. It is in a specific order.
1. Bell Canada
2. The phrase 'you should join E-Harmony'
3. Not having cable
4. The fact that in Canada in order to get a decent job you have to have a university education and you have to pay a million dollars to get it, and then be in debt forever so that you can have a good job to pay back the education you were forced get in the first place so you could have a good job to pay of the education you needed to get it. (See the cycle?)
5. Mornings and alarm clocks
6. The Kamloops Centre for Irrational Thought. Seriously. Leave us alone already. (I know I know, I should be preaching love, but you irritate me. Jesus got irritated too)
7. Tiersa being in Mexico. I know she's being a good missionary, but I need a friend here too!
8. Never getting a snowday.
9. Mushrooms and anything from the ocean. It's all gross.
10. Changing the toilet paper roll. I've always hated doing it. I always will.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
I think that in another life (the one where I wasn't Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman) I would have been Anne of Green Gables. It just makes me happy. The books, the original movies, the third (albeit semi-lame) movie, the pre (not very good) quel, the Road to Avonlea spin off, all of it. It makes me happy.
I can imagine living in a pristine small-town. Working in a one room school house, writing a novel (Christian Romance obviously) Having great hair and pretty dresses and imagination and adventures.
And... Gilbert Blythe, who although is not particularly 'manly,' is still beyond awesome in his down-to-earth, doctoring, nice-boy, great-hair, way.
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Unless you have been living under a pop-culture rock for the last 18 months, you have heard about this show. If you have never seen an episode, and have strong moral convictions, are an adult and can discern between right and wrong, you should watch a few episodes of this show.
I put the disclaimer 'have strong moral convictions, are an adult and can discern between right and wrong' in there because if you are none of those three things, you probably shouldn't watch Glee. Although it is hilarious, it does at times cross the line, but as an adult, who has convictions and knows the difference between right and wrong, I don't let it influence how I live my life. I also say watch a few episodes because sometimes they are hit or miss although lately they have gotten back to the early season one roots of good music, funny, clean humour. Season 2 begins again next Tuesday and I'm very excited. I'd be more excited if I had cable and a tv, but I do have stolen internet from my neighbours so all is not lost.
Everytime I watch it it re-inspires me to turn my life into a musical. The muscial would star me and Zac Efron would be my love interest. The rest of the players in my life would be as follows;
Aunt Linda (Sandra Bullock)
Pastor Dave M (Wentworth Miller)
Pastor Harry (Bruce Willis)
Fields (Dr. Jack Shephard)
Tiersa (Amanda Bynes)
Bethany (Cameron Diaz)
Vanessa (Amanda Syfried)
Dad (Tim Allen or MacGuyver)
Mom (Meryl Streep)
Which person should play you?