Monday, February 18, 2013

50 Shades of Grey meets Harry and the Hendersons

I know this might sound ridiculous, but I want you to know I have been thinking about it a lot. (And by "a lot" I mean since this time last night.)

My life is in turmoil right now, and so, I figure the best way to deal with unhappiness is to run away from it. Can I get an 'amen'?

And so, even though I will run from my problems, I can't not have a plan. I am a type-a, oldest born, semi-ocd personality after all.

And so, the plan.

Sasquatch Romance Novelist.

That's right. Romance novels about beloved big foots. (Big feets?)

See, in my line of thinking over the last 22 hours, I realzed that if zombies and sparkley vampires can be made loveable, AND famous, so can sasquatches. AND if I get started right now I'll be able to totally corner the market. I'll be a billionaire!

It will be amazing!

Plus, my stories will have everything that anyone could ever want from a novel. A hint of the fantastical (because we don't really know for sure if big foots/feets exist), adventure (as they try to survive in a world where humans fear them and try to kill them), a seemingly impossible love (because we all know there are only like 3 sasquatches in the world so it's especially hard for them to find their one true love. On that note, it is also similarly hard to find a good Christian man... just like sasquatches there are only 3 and they are hiding in the woods scared of humans - or at least me...), and the novels will also have  a wonderful beautiful setting. I'm thinking somewhere rugged and exotic. Vancouver Island or the Yukon or northern Manitoba or something.

It will be great. I like to describe it as "50 Shades of Grey meets Harry and the Hendersons."

And then, after my novel series (a set of six) becomes wildly popular with tweens around the world, it will be turned into a set of movies. Seven movies. Because we all know that makes sense. Six books and seven movies. (I'm glowering at you Harry Potter and Twilight and The Hunger Games). I'll milk it for all it's worth. Ryan Gosling will play the lead sasquatch. I'll play the female he has been searching for. I pick me because I'm a better actress than Kristen Stewart, but mostly  because I want to kiss Ryan Gosling. Yeah. That would be real nice.... sigh.

So there's my plan.
Buy my books.