(Slap your hand to your forehead)
Because that's what I'm doing right now as I write about what made me do it earlier today.

Imagine the scene. I'm stopped at a random intersection in Kamloops. The light is red. A white SUV drives passed - covered in pink play-boy decals. There is a miniature puppy on the front seat, a bleached- blond -not -wearing- much cougar in the front seat. The back window of the SUV has been etched in pink swear words.

Doh.

I actually slapped my forhead. Who is this woman?!?! Far be it from me to judge another (cough, cough), but seriously, who are you and what the heck in the world do you think you are doing? A play-boy vehicle? and secondly, a play-boy vehicle in KAMLOOPS?????

I mean it's one thing to have a play-boy vehicle if you live in Bel-Air, I'd maybe even let you get away with it in Miami, but Kamloops????? We are the definition of everything NOT american/californian/skanky.

Dear, dear, crazy woman. Let me give you the coles notes about Kamloops and then hopefully you will be able to see that your vehicle does not belong here.

1. One word for you. Canada. We live in Canada. Snow, cold, winter, pasty-skin, parka's. Nothing play-boy-ey about it.

2. We are the country captial of BC, if not Canada. 75% of the vehicles in Kamloops are trucks - with extra gas tanks on the back, and dirt. And dead deers in the back. Or dead... bunnies....

3. We are so country that we actually and literally have tumbleweeds blowing down our streets!

4. The only Heffner most of our people know about is that cute heifer over there on the ranch.

You are weird. There. I said it. Your pink-swear-word-play-boy-bunny-vehicle is awkward and out of place and doesn't belong in this town. I say it's time for you to high(bunny)tail it out of these parts and get yourself a respectable Ford F-350 like the rest of us (or a cute little Toyota - whatever your budget can afford).